If you name me, you negate me

“If you name me, you negate me. By giving me a name, a label, you negate all the other things I could possibly be.”

— Søren Kierkegaard

"Nice to meet you! What do you do?"

How many times have you fielded that question? Without fail, this used to create a cascade of thoughts in me that went something like this:

"I know it's just a mindless ice-breaker question, but I also know the moment I open my mouth and expose my "label" I'll be pigeon-holed into their preconceived notion of what they think that means. Why don't people ask questions that open the door to who I really am, like "What really matters to you?" or if they're not up to that, perhaps, "What's your favorite ice cream flavor?" Either way, they'll know way more about me than the meaning they'll attach to the label for what I "do"."

I'm not defined by any label that is supposed to describe what I do, or worse yet, who I am. One of the best things to happen to me was shedding my CEO label. Until it was gone, I didn't realize how it had defined me, not only in the eyes of others, but in my mind's eye as well. When I get this question now, I respond with something more like this:

"I am doing what I love. And what I love, more than anything else, is to help people get more of what they love out of life. That, in turn, gets me more of what I love out of life."

Removing the label allows me to be infinitely creative. I can write and coach and speak and volunteer and lead an organization. There's no limit to what I can "do" to be myself and express myself.

I'm not suggesting labels aren't helpful or sometimes necessary. I still use them. They can be a very practical shortcut in some contexts, particularly business, where common meaning facilitates understanding. What I am saying is that I no longer allow them to "name" me. I don't allow them to "negate" everything else in me that the labels don't represent.

Now it's your turn.

"Nice to meet you! Tell me more!"

A Good Life

A good life

is not

living up to a standard

it is

living your purpose

leaning into

your most loving response

Hold Beliefs Lightly

Looking back on your life, if you had challenged what you believed was impossible...

Who would you be?

Where would you be living?

How would you be spending your days?

Looking back over my 59 years, I realize this: the things that have come to pass are those that I truly believed were possible, long before they showed up. Conversely, those things I believed were not possible, beyond my reach, held only as desires, did not come to pass. I suppose you could argue that belief had nothing to do with it. That I'm an extraordinary human being who infallibly knows my limitations, abilities, and hence, my future. The problem with this argument, besides being outrageous, is how far back my beliefs reach. And by far back, I mean as far back in childhood as you can have clear memories, perhaps five or six years old.

For as long as I can remember, I believed I would be an inventor. I idolized Thomas Edison as a kid and later visited his Menlo Park Laboratory in Greenfield Village at the Henry Ford Museum in Dearborn, Michigan. The image of him working there, taking catnaps, was burned in my brain. I've created many original works in my life, but two stand out to date. First, I developed software that revolutionized how the global pipeline utility industry analyzes the hydraulic performance of their distribution networks. And second, I invented and patented a new golf device that gives a consistent driver teeing height using standard tees.

We played "Army" constantly as kids, and I was usually the General, the highest ranking commanding officer in our "troop." I never got any pushback playing that role, so I don't think I was an asshole about it. At least I hope not. I just remember endless hours of make-believe fun with my buddies. Later in life, I assumed leadership roles in my work life, including twenty years as CEO. I have served on many nonprofit boards over the years, and am routinely asked onto their executive committees, chairing several. My belief in my ability to guide and lead transitioned from my play life to my work life.

I always believed I'd have three children, just like my family growing up. Not only did this come to pass, but in the same order, sex and almost identical age spacing. My wife and I didn't intentionally or consciously plan this to be so, but here it is.

The list goes on, but I'm not here to tell my life story. My point is, those things that resonated with me, that I truly believed, that felt like my truth, even at a very young age, manifested in my life in various ways. And those that did not, have not.

Given this little bit of my history, let me rephrase my question and ask you this:

Which beliefs have shaped...

Who you are?

Where you live?

How you spend your days?

As you ponder which beliefs have served you well, and which have held you back, a range of emotion may arise, from deep satisfaction to disturbing regret. If the thought arises, "What's the use? It's too late!" challenge yourself to challenge that belief:

Colonel Harland David Sanders opened the first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise in 1952, the year he turned 62. At 73 he sold KFC and continued to be its public face until he passed at age 90.

Anna Mary Robertson Moses, born in 1860, started her career as the renowned artist, Grandma Moses, at age 78. She spent the next 23 years bringing her work to the world until she passed in 1961 at age 101.

Duncan Hines didn't write his first food and hotel guide until he was 55. He was 73 when he licensed his name to the company that produced his namesake cake mixes.

Charles Darwin was 50 in 1859 when he published On the Origin of the Species.

In the words of the ITIF (International Technology and Innovation Foundation), "Contrary to popular narratives about young, technology-savvy entrepreneurs dropping out of college to found companies in Silicon Valley, the median age for innovators is 47."

Beliefs are a choice at any age, from your teens to your last breath.

"...those things I believed were impossible, beyond my reach, held only as desires, have not yet come to pass..."

Possibilities live in "not yet." I regularly make use of a powerful practice to free myself from the tyranny of my limiting beliefs to explore the possibilities in things that have not yet come to pass:

I have learned to hold my beliefs lightly

Just because I had beliefs that may have held me back in the past doesn't mean I must continue to hold them. If coaching has taught me anything, it has taught me that any change is possible. It starts with awareness and a willingness to question your beliefs, to hold them lightly enough to escape if they aren't serving you well.

Sit quietly over the next few days and ponder the questions I've posed. Add your own, if you'd like. Keep a journal of your thoughts. If you're highly motivated, add some time in quiet meditation each time before you head on this journey. When you're ready, imagine releasing your grip on your limiting beliefs, thanking them for whatever role, known or unknown, they played in your life. Then watch them soar out of sight, like kites reduced to dots in the sky, surfing the winds of change.